This particular poem is a story of childhood trauma that came to me unexpectedly. I was in the midst of trying to come up with the answer as to why I would become overwhelmed with an intense feeling of claustrophobia when stored memories from my past came storming through.
By digging around and searching through my most deeply stored emotions, I found the answer to the Claustrophobia and was able to overcome it.
If we make ourselves aware of where a particular feeling stemmed from, we are able to heal it. Writing is a useful tool to get the healing process underway.
Childhood Trauma-Healing through Writing
Poem - Finding Forgiveness
Standing with my face implanted in a dark, musty corner alone
Hearing my breath bounce off the cold wall in a hollow tone.
I don't like the feeling of this small space.
My mind wondering how my brother and sister are doing in the corner in which they were placed.
From my sister, I hear a disheartening sigh.
I must get us out of here. I have to try.
My stomach is churning with trying to get the courage to speak.
Fineally out comes the words, strong but at the same time weak.
Daddy, we've been standing here half of the day.
Partially holding my breath with each word I'd say.
How much longer do we have to stand here?
Trying very hard not to show evidence of tears.
Why does this happen every time you drink to many beers?
Can we at least play together while you sleep?
I promise we won't make any noise, not a peep.
We are released from our corners and sent out to play.
My brother complaining, "It's hot out today."
My sister now, "I'm hot and thirsty." "I need something to drink."
We will go swimming in the creek. That will make us feel better, I think.
It will be fun and give us something to do.
Come on let's go. But first, Sis, tie your shoes.
Surrounding the creek my brother and sisters laughter echos through the air.
This warms my heart overiding any feelings of dispair.
Soon we forget all about our hungry bellies and dry throats.
I'm now pulling my brother through the water pretending he's a speed boat.
It's getting late; time to go.
Mommy will get worried you know.
Oh, the door is still locked.
The way to mommy's arms blocked.
Daddy's sleeping later today I guess.
Let's go sit under the Mullberry Tree and rest.
Feeding ourselves with the berries from the tree.
Squishing out the purple juice in our fingers.
Hey, I'll paint you if you paint me.
We hear a click and mommy opens the door.
Daddy goes out for a night on the town as the day before.
Mommy looks and smiles at our warrior painted faces.
Come on in, wash your hands, and take your places.
Dinner is ready and on the table.
Mommy keeps us healthy and strong for tomorrows fable.
After dinner, mommy bathes us, checks are scratches and scrapes, and smothers them with salve.
She's the best mother anyone could have.
She does her best to give us loving, nurturing care.
Her gentleness is always there.
Daddy is pretty wonderful too.
For his job no one else would do.
It took a strong man to bring us our lessons you see.
Without him I wouldn't be who I am today.
Striving to move forward to help provide the way.
Showing compassion and sharing in hopes to help others release their discomfort and dismay.
I am eternally grateful for what my dad has done for me.
Thankful for what my life has come to be.
Sometimes it seems we are miles apart.
I have much I'd like to say to him but unsure where to start.
So for now just know daddy, I love you will all of my heart.
This story of childhood trauma has generated healing in so many ways. Not only did it help me overcome my claustrophobia, it helped me realize why I alway have this need to take care of others. It helped me find forgiveness and heal my relationship with my dad.
When we are small children, we percieve situations as either loved or un-loved. For example, my dad made me stand in a corner sometimes the entire day without moving even to go to the bathroom. (childhood perception = Un-loved) Locked outside in the heat all day, no food, no drink. (childhood perception = un-loved)
If our adulthood, we look back on a situation and think Oh, I understand that now. It doesn't bother me anymore. But, the childhood trauma, the unloved feeling, is still trapped inside us. My point here, Writing Promotes healing.
Why not give writing a try. Daily journaling is a great way for self expression and healing. You do not have to be a professional writer to experience the healing benefits. However, if you feel you would like to brush up on your skills, I would suggest taking a look at Writing 101 to expand and broaden yourself. Enjoy.
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